I'm ok with that

 I'm in a little bit of an 'isolation' mode, but I know that it's ok, and it won't always be like that.My drawing helps me remember where I am in my life right now, in a cocoon, but when i am ready to come out, the people that really like me will want to connect again, and the rest of them will just go about their business and it's all OK.Someday, as the character Mark says in Love Actually (one of my favorite movies) to Kiera Knightly, after he has chased her repeatedly and been in love with her, but knows she will never be his, he says to himself 'Enough.' Someday I will say "Enough,"They made a big mistake to kill him  and there I will be. Totally surrendered to life and now a really beautiful butterfly.I am lost on this one and have still not matured enough or had enough years to figure this out in any way that is worthy of giving 'advice' so do not take this as such. All I claim to know on this one is that 'stuff changes here when you least expect it."Personally, I have had the worst luck when it comes to guys, AKA, love.
  I have moments where I don't even know if true love exists or is a product of mass media brainwashing. I mean, has anyone else stopped to think that two people sleeping together in the same bed for the rest of their life seems a little strange?But regardless, maybe I AM a product of the brainwashing, but I still believe there is someone out there for me. Even after a failed marriage, countless failed relationships afterwards, and three years of being single since. And it's not a problem of "knowing myself", because I know what my problem is! I fall for guys that don't love me back. Or I fall for the ones in relationships already. The 'emotionally unavailables.' It is the story of my life and probably most other singles.But yet the nice guys, the ones who really like me "for me" and want a relationship, I don't like back. And there they are thinking the same about me as I think of the ones that break my heart. So WTF world!? And it hurts. So then I start thinking, maybe I'm not ready for a relationship after all. I do tend to get a little crazy when I'm in them.